As I have stated before I have a whole host of quirks in my personality! Lots of OCD and neurosis! One of which I developed as a teenager! When I was 15 years old due to PTSD I developed a panic disorder.( it was 6 months after my grandfather passed away and my mother had her BIG surgery for her cancer) When I was younger it was terrible! I could hardly drive as a passenger in a car without having an attach, large social situations I felt uncomfortable and began to panic, and slowly through the course of 2 years became a shut in. (this was largely due to traumatic event continuing to happen during this time, mom got re-diagnosed & hospitalized a few times, a couple of car accidents, my good friends father died in 9/11, my mom passed away, my boyfriend at the time step father passed away LOTS of trauma) I wound up leaving HS for my GED, then leaving my post HS job because of it ( couldn't drive myself 3 miles down the street to work on a rainy morning had to have my father pick me up on the side of the road because I couldn't breath).
I would hardly leave my house to do anything for nearly 6 months!
Finally one night my Lipshun ( big sister) made me get up and drive myself down to the gas station, yelling at me that if I wanted something I needed to get out of the house and stop being so scared of everything! That was the start of me coming back to society!
I still have flair ups from time to time, but NOTHING like when I was younger, I have learned to manage it without medication and with lots of hard work on my part!
However there are still things I "freak out" about doing, such as driving on major highways, or driving in the snow, and entering a party or restaurant alone( can do without issue if someone I am meeting is inside already), or being out at a restaurant or party alone.
That said, I hit my own milestone this weekend! I was very stressed from the past few weeks, with the birthday party, A-bunny has been in rare form, lots of complaining & tantrums just an all together foul mood on her part (she got a tooth Monday morning)
Thursday night was my breaking point, A-bunny went to bed at 9pm like usual, and I stayed up to do dishes & unwind.... I went to bed around 12:30, by 1am she was screaming in her room. I got up and tried to calm her down in the bed and it was not happening, so I put her in bed with me, she then began to toss and turn and beat the poop out of me! so we went back into her room...... 3 hours later @ 4am she finally fell back to sleep & I was able to get to bed finally at 4:30. And then was up at 7:30 am! so we had a no sleep night, and then following suit with her foul mood, she had a no nap day! the child refused to nap all day long! finally at about 3pm my husband ordered me off to take a nap and said "you are going out tonight you need to sleep then get out of the house without her for a while"
so I listened, because at this point I was being so cranky and snippy I couldn't even stand me! I napped from 3:30 till 7pm and went to do some shopping..... by the time I was finished I was famished & really wanting to treat myself to a margarita, and since you cant take out a margarita, I sucked up my fear and headed to a Mexican restaurant on the way back home! It was wonderful to be out on my own, relaxing and exciting that I did not have an attach!
you will be proud to hear I did not have a panic attach, I was able to sit, eat my dinner & drink my single margarita all by my lonesome with no issues at all! I was so proud of myself I had to write about it!
now we just have to work on the major highway driving and snow driving and I could be cured of the wretched handicap I have!
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