Tough Crowd

Ever feel like your just not doing a good job?
Some days I feel like freaking super woman, I do all the dishes, 3 loads of laundry, vacuum, mop, dust, sanitize, cook all while taking extra special care of A-bunny!
Then there are some days when i just barely have the energy to keep up with a-bunny do the dishes once and cook dinner.... I call those my "rough days"

I'm pretty hard on myself about them, wish i could work up the energy and get a little more done during the day, but no amount of coffee or napping helps on these days, I cant find anything to help!

I don't get it sometimes, I mean I worked in a highly demanding goal oriented sales position for 5 years, handled millions of dollars in business and paid incredible attention to detail with everything I did in the office! I had thousands of clients and if you ask any of my old supervisors I could tell you the details on 90% of my accounts just by hearing their company names, I was REAL good at that job!

Now my job is much less detailed, but more demanding physically & emotionally! And i feel like I am falling short some days ( I DO NOT like feeling like that!) I am a perfectionist, I like to be the best at what i do and I thrive on that!

I am 80% of my problem, the other 20% is my big boy! Constructive criticism was never something I took in stride, and my big boy does not like giving it because of that.... But every once in a while when i have my "rough" days, he points out the painfully obvious to me in comments like "didn't get to the laundry today honey?" or "are the dishes in the dishwasher clean?"
or the even more annoying passiveness of going around and tidying up A-bunny's toys or putting the dishes away without saying anything before he goes to work..... it feels like a jab (like i said I like being the best at what i do) It really isn't one, most of the time he'll help me pick up the slack on a bad day( I got me a good one), but when he's working, Its all on me!  I expect it, Its my job now!


I think part of the problem is I have a pre-conceived notion that I am now in charge of the condition of the house, I want the challenge and I am trying to hit my goal ( the career girl in me)
I haven't figured out a system to keep my energy levels up consistently to attain these goals EVERY day. Like creating a commission structure for a quarter or a daily volume chart.

The other part of the problem is my "supervisor" I have had some tough managers before, but this one tops them all!
Not only is it more important to me to please him ( make the pressure higher) but sometimes his "expectations" just don't seem attainable.
 You see he's a bit anal retentive, sometimes i swear he was potty trained at gunpoint! If there is one thing out of place he gets a little perturbed.

In my old job if I had an off day, I would try an make up for it later in the week and pick up that slack of the bad day!
This new career, I'm off one day, things start to get away from me and I feel like I cant catch up!

I also have noticed a pattern develop on when these off days happen!
It is when Big boy is on the crap part of his schedule & hardly has any days off.... When he doesn't have days off, I don't get breaks, I don't get a couple of hours 2 recoup or sit on the couch or in the tub and relax while a-bunny plays with big boy.
When big boy is on days, he's home with us for about 90min-2 1/2 hours at night before he hits the sheets, nights, forget about it, I'm lucky if i get an hour most days.... which means I am a 98% of the time single parent for about half the month, all household & child responsibilities fall on me, which i know is my job, but sometimes i need a break. It is at the end of this stretch when my rough days happen, I'm starting to burn out!

He's a wonderful husband, he helps me with alot of things a lot of other husbands wouldn't, like when he's off or on day shift he give A-bunny her bath at night for me. And on his days off he'll help do the dishes & put away the laundry i had done, he'll even do some laundry & pick up around the house! (like I said he's a little anal retentive) He is a wonderful help & the dream hub...... when he's home!


Maybe if I take an hour everyday to just do stuff for me, or nap daily or take a bath.... something maybe it will re-energize me to go through the stretch of the schedule where he's not home so much.
I have got 2 figure something out, because this whole not being the best at my job thing is not for me!